


What You Can't See

by StarryAidoneus



Series: Javier's Redemption [1]
Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games), Red Dead Redemption 2
Genre: Angst, Beaver Hollow, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Established Relationship, F/M, Guns, Gunshot Wounds, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Knives, Lakay, Minor Character Death, POV Second Person, Shady Bell, Spoilers, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-08 01:00:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21467452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarryAidoneus/pseuds/StarryAidoneus
Summary: You and the Van der Linde Gang are facing your worst crisis yet. Uncertainty and unease reing in the camp but you have to stay strong for everyone and your lost lover. Upon everyone's return and settlement in Beaver Hollow you notice a heartbreaking shift in Javier's behaviour. Through a tragic reunion and major disagreements, you will see your relationship take a sour turn.
Relationships: Javier Escuella & You, Javier Escuella/Reader
Series: Javier's Redemption [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1557427
Comments: 15
Kudos: 62





	1. You Said To Be Strong

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there, friends! Thanks for clicking on my work!  
This is the first time I wrote a multiple chapter story so I'm still trying to improve when it comes to dialogues and stuff like that. It's also the first time that I ever wrote a Character/Reader story so I'm sorry if it comes out wanky or if the characters sound/act ooc, I tried my best lol. English is neither my first nor second language therefore I also apologise for the eventual weird sounding sentences and grammatical mistakes I might've made.  
Some info about this work:  
\- I will be uploading new chapters every day/every two days  
\- No beta readers we die like men  
\- For the next chapters I'll specify trigger warnings in the notes at the beginning if needed  
\- Some elements of the story have been altered from canon to accommodate the stuff I wanted to write  
\- The beginning is a bit slow but bear with me  
\- That's it, hope you enjoy! ( ˘ᵕ˘ )

The sticky swamp air clung onto your skin almost the same way your worries did in your mind. Today was the big day, the day of the gang’s seemingly last job before disappearing into thin air and never looking back. Everyone had reviewed the plan over and over again, and despite everything, Dutch still felt strangely iffy about it which naturally got you worried. It usually was Hosea’s job to doubt the likeliness of a plan to succeed, not Dutch’s. But at the same time, seeing how prepared and confident the older man was comforted you in the idea that not much could go wrong with such a highly planned out job. It’s just that whenever you have to see your lover off to some dangerous job, you can’t help the worry and stress that comes with it. 

Today was particularly hot and humid, you could see it in the swampy fog that didn’t leave the camp from the crack of dawn. Clouds were thick, shielding you from the sun which you were thankful for. There you stood, in your shared tent, near the crackling main campfire, your hands fiddling with the fabric of Javier’s puff tie, adjusting it and tucking it inside his coat before smoothing his collar. You passed your hands on his shoulders before giving his outfit one quick last check, seemingly lost in your thoughts. 

“Thank you, my love,” he gently said, pulling you out of your silence. 

“Heh, don’t mention it,” you trailed off, letting your hands slip off his shoulders. 

“So, how do I look?” He flashed you a smile, spreading his arms a little and puffing out his chest. 

“Well, I’d say you look like a gentleman whom I’d entrust my life savings to,” you joked, making both of you giggle. However, your smile quickly faded causing Javier to give you a questioning look. 

“Hey, what’s wrong now?” He whispered, cupping your cheek with his right hand. 

“Are you sure this is gonna work out?” You took his hand from your cheek and lightly squeezed it into yours. “I don’t doubt Hosea but seeing Dutch being reluctant makes me a bit concerned.”

“Don’t worry yourself too much, princess. I know lately things have been going up and down but I promise you this is it, our last job and then we can leave this place,” he reassured you, squeezing your hand back and looking deep into your eyes testifying that he meant everything he told you. 

Before you could reply to him you heard Lenny call for Javier to get ready to leave, turning your head to look in the young man’s direction. You averted your eyes back to Javier when you felt him softly squeeze your hand one more time, seeing him get closer to you.

“Everything will be alright. I’m gonna need you to be strong for me and the camp, hermosa,” he whispered, placing a kiss on your forehead. “I’ll be going now.” 

You turned around to see him off. He checked his saddle before mounting up and telling Lenny to relax in his usual playful tone as the latter seemed to be a bit stressed out. Javier gave you a last wave and then disappeared through the trees followed by Lenny. You stood there for a bit, mindlessly playing with your fingers before a loud crack from the campfire brought you back to reality. 

You were on your way to check up on Abigail in her bedroom to see if she needed any help getting ready, mostly you didn’t want to be left to your thoughts. As you climbed up the stairs you heard several voices coming from her bedroom. Upon engaging in the corridor you could see the girls’ silhouettes through the hole in the wall. You knocked on the door before entering causing them to turn to you.

“Hey there girls,” you greeted them. “I came checking to see if Abigail needed anything but as I can see she’s already got her own little team.” 

“We wanted to call you in but you looked busy with Javier,” commented Tilly. 

“Yeah we didn’t wanna bother you two love birds all over each other,” grimaced Karen. 

“Oh come on Karen, don’t be like that. She was just helping him with his suit, I find that rather romantic…” added Mary-Beth. 

You all stopped for a second to look at her before starting to giggle in unison, Karen saying something about her having to let go of her romance books for a second. You took a seat on the bed next to Abigail, taking in her appearance. 

“Well, looks like we’ve got ourselves a city girl here.” 

“Yep! And ready to rob ‘em blind, am I right?” She exclaimed, slightly pumping her fist in the air, earning a cheerful response from the girls while you just quietly smiled. 

“This job.. are you certain this is it?” You asked lowly, fiddling with your fingers again.

“You know, I assisted Hosea in making up this plan, he really thought about every detail, preparing for every outcome. Heck, even if it started raining horses, he’d have it sorted out!” 

“You’re right, I’m just worried for our folk, is all. I’m sure it’s the case for everyone, but our luck has to turn this time,” you explained.

“Don’t you worry yourself too much now,” Tilly said putting her hand on your knee from where she was sitting in front of you. 

“Yeah, I mean come on! We always manage to get our asses out of nasty situations, this won’t be different, except we’re gonna be filthy rich!” Laughed Karen and the atmosphere slowly lightened up, everyone changing the subject. 

That is until you heard Dutch call for everyone in the middle of the camp. You all ran downstairs and to the entrance of the mansion where you saw two stagecoaches ready; one for Hosea and Abigail, the other for Bill and Charles. The other men got their horses ready as well, everyone was dressed in suits and looking impeccable. The rest of the camp came around the group to see them off.

“So, we rob ourselves a bank, and within six weeks we’re living life anew in a tropical idyll, spending the last of our days as banana farmers?” Hosea started speaking to everyone while mounting up with Abigail. “Let’s get out of this godforsaken place, and go rob ourselves a bank!”

Everyone started hollering before riding off, leaving like a storm. You watched them off the same way you did for Javier, this time surrounded by the rest of the camp who looked hopeful and determined which seemed to rub off on you, you felt like you were getting your second wind. You decided to get a headstart and started slowly packing up, mainly to keep your mind busy as you kept repeating Dutch’s words in your head_ , One more time _… 

Morning became afternoon, which turned into the evening before ultimately settling into the night, and still no signs of the gang members. From your understanding, they were planning on hitting fast so they could get out as soon as they got in. However, it wasn’t unusual to come back from a job a day later or the next morning, so you tried your best to make sense of it, but you couldn’t help speed up your packing as you felt like something was off. Nobody in camp dared to ask the question, everyone just felt like they were in standby, which was exactly what was happening. 

It was now well into the night and an uncomfortable atmosphere had settled in camp. You, Sadie and Miss Grimshaw seemed to be the only ones with your heads up, trying to find an explanation to every concern. You tried to fight the lingering discomfort that had settled within you, pushing away every horror scenario your mind would throw at you. Half the camp had almost called it a night had it not been for Karen’s voice breaking the silence from her guarding spot,

“Who is it?!” She questioned in a hostile tone, aiming with her rifle. 

She quickly lowered her gun and _ someone _ was making their way on horseback. Your mind started racing, why was it _ someone _ and not _ everyone _? Maybe they had all made it out and decided to come back in camp separately like they usually do but something in you told you otherwise. As the horse hurriedly approached the lit centre of the camp you realised it was Charles and Abigail mounted on Taima, their expression looking painful. Everyone including yourself swarmed around them as soon as they dismounted and Abigail came rushing to you, thick tears going down her cheeks. 

“They got John! They got him!” She cried out and you caught her as she almost crumbled before you, holding her by the shoulders. The woman was crying loudly with her face buried in her hands and you frowned, everything around you felt like it was collapsing, heart racing and mind foggy. You turned to Charles giving him a questioning look, the same as everyone else.

“The job went terribly bad,” he started, pulling on the bow around his neck to get some air. “They knew we were coming. They executed Hosea in front of everyone and Lenny didn’t make it. John was caught and last time I saw the rest of them they were trying to board onto a boat. I distracted the law so they could make it but…” He looked extremely pained and was out of breath. 

Everyone was in complete shock and many mouths went agape. Everything was happening so fast that nobody knew what to do, your hands started shaking while holding onto Abigail who was still struggling to find the strength within her to stop crying. Every word Charles spoke felt like one more dagger piercing through you. You could only imagine what was going to happen to the men off to god knows where, to the leader of this family, to your best friend, and to the man you love. You started thinking of the last time you two exchanged a moment together before this mess, and his expression came back to you like a flash, _ you need to keep strong for him and for everyone. _

“We gotta leave, now,” you said in a stern tone, giving Abigail a squeeze on the shoulders. 

“She’s right. It’s no use staying here, if they knew we were coming it only means they also know about this camp, we need to pack, and quick,” seconded you Sadie. 

You let go of Abigail who seemed to have calmed down a bit and Miss Grimshaw started yelling orders at everyone, no one was to be left unoccupied. You had never seen her this agitated and her fury only transferred to you, making your main goal leaving this place as soon as possible before starting to truly think of the situation, to think about losing the most important people in your life. 

Charles and Sadie left ahead scouting for a new place when half the camp was packed, you stayed behind to help and make sure everyone kept their heads up. Packing your tent made you feel sick. The realisation that maybe you’ll never get to share it with Javier again came crashing on you like a train. You bit your bottom lip and cursed at yourself for letting your mind wander like that. By the time Sadie came back to get you all to the new place the camp was fully packed and everyone was ready to leave. You didn’t waste a second and left in a rumble, you and Sadie leading the group. 

“Did you find someplace safe?” You asked Sadie, briefly turning your head in her direction. 

“I don’t know about safe but it’s hidden for sure. We had to fight off some deranged folk there, though. Came outta nowhere and nearly gave me the fright of my life,” she shook her head. “But we should be able to keep a low profile while waiting for the rest to come back. I left some notes around to help them find us.”

You turned your head to look at the group following closely behind you two through the swamps, you could read the worry on each and everyone’s expression. You returned to your initial position and sighed.

“It takes a lot to kill surviving men, I know they’re gonna make it back to us, eventually.”

Sadie agreed with you and started telling you everything that Charles had told her when they were scouting for the new place, Abigail doing the same for the group behind you two. You couldn’t believe that Hosea had been used as bait before being coldly executed in such a way. He was always so caring and kind to you, you found in him a father figure. And poor Lenny, he was so young and always meant good, always looking for ways to contribute to the camp, your chest started feeling tight and you unconsciously grabbed your reins harder. You had this cold feeling travelling through your body as you started reminiscing of all the fallen ones; Mac, Davey, Jenny, Sean, Kieran, and now Hosea and Lenny. You felt like the gang’s luck had turned and didn’t seem to come back. You began to contemplate where did things go wrong, how could the gang keep on accumulating disasters after Blackwater, after that job Micah had thought of. _ Micah _. 

You never liked him nor ever understood what Dutch saw in that foul and vile man. He found pleasure in taunting everyone in camp, especially the women, and adding to that his disgusting racist views. You were pulled out of your ruminations when Sadie indicated that you were only a few meters away. You took a good look at your surroundings with the only source of light being the moonlight. You didn’t like how far in the swamps you were, but at least you knew the law wouldn’t look for you all in such a place, at least for some time. You were greeted by two human skulls on each side of the path, impaled on sticks and Sadie gave you a sympathetic nod. You found Charles who had managed to get rid of the remainings of the altercation Sadie and him had had when first coming here.

“I’m sorry, this is all we could find but apparently folk ‘round here are too scared to get near this place so we could use that to our advantage,” the tall man announced when everyone got off their ride and onto their feet. Everyone looked disappointed at the realisation that they left the dump that was Shady Bell for another even worse one, but nobody complained. All the shacks that were still standing looked ready to crumble just like the one that was half drowned in the swamp water. You all decided to only unpack the necessities as you weren’t planning on staying long enough to call that place home. 

Everyone decided to stick together and stay in one shack, the one boarding the water facing the entrance, although there was a bigger one available. As soon as everyone put down their bedrolls they all passed out, exhausted from everything that happened during the last 24 hours, but you couldn’t sleep a wink. You decided to keep guard, placing a crate near the entrance of the makeshift camp, leaning on your rifle, deeply lost in your thoughts. 

Did they make it to that boat? If so, where are they heading? Will they ever find a way to come back? What if someone got injured in the process? What if Javier didn’t make it? You forcefully pulled yourself together for what felt like the hundredth time that day. You hated how elusive your thoughts were. 

The sun threatened to rise not so long after everyone had gone to bed. You heard footsteps coming from behind but you decided not to turn around, far too exhausted for that. It was Sadie, coming with a crate of her own that she placed next to you, a rifle mirroring yours hanging from her shoulder. 

“Couldn’t sleep?” You quietly asked, briefly looking at her sitting down before averting your sight back to the vegetation.

“No sleep for the wicked, I’m afraid,” she grunted as she finally sat down on the wooden surface. “I was patrolling ‘round the place. I gotta admit, it gives me the creeps.”

“Well, it can’t be worse than what the men are probably going through right now…” you added, a short silence settling between you two while you both looked to the distance.

“Say, do you think they--” you got cut off.

“I’m sure they’re alright. You said it yourself, it takes more than that to kill off men trying to survive,” Sadie said while looking your way. “Now I won’t sit here and act like I’m not worried... but we got our own folk here to look after.”

You dropped your head, feeling a bit ashamed of yourself, “I’m sorry I… I don’t mean to be an additional burden but, guess I just needed to be told that. Thanks, Sadie,” you gave her a weak smile.

“No need to apologise, we’ve all been there,” she gently stated. 

“Oh, by the way,” you seemed to remember. “You need to tell me about these notes you told me about.”

Sadie informed you that she left some letters to ‘uncle Tacitus’ written by his ‘niece Caroline’ to inform him that his nieces will be going on a trip to see their relatives in Lakay. You had to praise her idea, she was so quick to react accordingly to the situation and managed to lead the gang, assisted by Charles. You couldn’t help but admire her composure. You certainly were not as agitated anymore and managed to finally think clearly since that one morning. 

Almost three weeks had passed by and still no sign of the exiled men. Abigail, Charles and you managed to go and find Hosea and Lenny’s corpses and gave them a proper burial. You could see the general energy drain from everyone, this place seemingly sucking the vitality out of everybody. 

Sometimes, during the lowest times, some would talk about it being the end, that there was nothing to wait for anymore, but of course, those were all just delirious words for one of those sleepless nights. That was until somebody finally showed up. You were overjoyed but also disappointed to realise that the first one to come back was none other but Micah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO much for reading! If you have any constructive criticism or anything you wanna tell me about the story feel free to let me know in the comments! Stay around for new chapters that will be coming faster than you think hehe (ㅅ´ ˘ `)


	2. Longing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter ahead!  
No particular warnings except Micah I guess lol

Micah arrived unannounced, emerging from the thick swampy fog at the crack of dawn during one of those nights when hardly anyone could sleep. He came staggering near the main shack and immediately collapsed onto his backside. Charles had escorted him from the entrance where he was keeping guard and everyone rushed towards him while still keeping some distance. 

He was still wearing what seemed to be the rests of his outfit from the bank robbery, his complexion made it look like he had been fried by the unmerciful desert sun, and just overall looked dirty and dishevelled. He appeared exhausted beyond description. An awkward silence fell for a bit before a flood of questions came submerging him. Just as he caught his breath he ignored everyone and regained his loathsome demeanour. 

“Ain't nobody gonna give old uncle Micah something to drink?!” He loudly inquired.

You heard the girls groan behind you before Tilly threw him the nearest bottle of beer she could find. He sloppily downed it in one go, only letting go of the glassy container to breathe in some air. He then proceeded to throw the empty bottle in a random direction before propping himself on the edge of the nearest chair before lazily slumping on top of it. Charles and Sadie then went ahead and asked him all the questions that had remained unanswered up until now. 

He told everyone about the boat they managed to get onboard from the docks in Saint-Denis after the disastrous bank robbery. How the boat got caught in a storm and washed ashore on an island called Guarma. He more or less mentioned the big lines of their journey fighting the local authorities to escape. However, he failed to mention anything about what state the others were in, but he obviously didn’t forget to tell everyone how hard it had been on _ him_. 

Everyone quickly dispersed, needing some time on their own to process all that had been said by the man in front of you. You stayed back and gave him a look which he returned causing your skin to crawl unpleasantly. 

“You didn’t say anything about how are the others,” you crossed your arms. “Did they make it out alright? Is Javier…”

You watched him chuckle drily, waving his hand in front of himself. “Oh yeah, how could I forget to tell you about your lover boy,” he began, tone mocking. “He got shot in the leg by some Cuban or something.” 

You felt your heart sink violently, your arms dropping from around your chest. The way he said it in such an indifferent tone made you sick to your stomach. You were waiting to see if he was going to say anything more than that but you decided to just get the answer right away. If he died you had to know sooner better than later. 

“Did he make it?” You felt terrible for asking that.

“He did. Dutch and Arthur went to rescue him so we could catch a boat and get the hell outta there,” he shrugged. “However… I don’t know ‘bout him making it here, if you know what I mean.” 

He let out one of his irritating laughs, enjoying the look of despair on your face. You stared at him mean, had your eyes been able to shoot bullets, he’d certainly be full of holes by now. You clenched your fists, trying your best to keep your cool in front of that man, not wanting to give him the reaction he wanted. You spun on your heels and walked away in the opposite direction of that poisonous man, towards the main building to gather your thoughts. 

You let yourself fall down on the nearest chair by the porch outside facing the swamp waters. You felt sick and you hated it, you hated that you couldn’t do anything to help Javier nor the others. You also felt guilty, strangely enough, all kinds of irrational thoughts came flooding your mind unsolicited. You were ungraciously hunched over, your face buried in your palms, heavily sighing and inhaling deeply. The loud sound of your thumping heartbeat distracted you from realising that someone was standing next to you, it wasn’t until they spoke that you jerked your head up.

“Hey, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle ya,” it was Abigail.

“Ah no, don’t worry ‘bout it. What were you saying?” You nervously scratched at the back of your neck.

“Look,” she began, crouching in front of you, holding your hand resting on your thigh. “I heard what that skunk told you, really wasn’t proper of him to say it like that. Hell, ain’t never heard anything decent come out of that man’s mouth anyways!” You scoffed.

“Them men, they know how to tend to bullet wounds just fine. They’re all gonna walk through that path eventually, then we’re gonna move outta here and get John back, and from there we see. But I’m gonna need you to keep pushing, alright?” She gave you a serious look, brows lightly knitted together.

You drily chuckled, grabbing her hand back and pulling her up so she’s standing the same way as you when you getting up the chair.

“I’m sorry Abigail,” you pat her shoulder and left your hand there while talking. “I don’t want you thinking you guys can’t rely on me. I got this, like we all need to. It’s just… I needed a breather, right? I’m fine, we’ll all be fine,” you let your hand down her shoulder. 

“That’s what I hoped to hear!”

You gave her a smile followed by a nod and walked away, pacing around the outskirts of the camp. It came to you as a surprise how Abigail seemed to keep her head clear. Then again, she’s been put through a lot because of John, that has to train the mind. But for all you know she might be putting up a strong facade in front everyone, kinda like everybody has been trying to do lately, some successfully and others not so much. 

The night came by quickly, and everyone was fast asleep after eating what Charles had managed to bring from his hunting and Pearson from his fishing. You, on the other hand, were wide awake. Guarding duty. Your sleeping pattern was all kinds of messed up. Sleeping half nights two days in a row, to stay awake 24 hours the next day, and ending up passing out from exhaustion to get a full night of rest, if you could call it that.

You started planning out how things will go when you would all finally regroup, thinking of what you’ll do when Javier comes back. Nights spent guarding the place were boring and to occupy yourself you’d make mental lists in chronological order of what you were planning. You painfully wondered what was Javier’s wound like. 

Did the bullet go through? What if it got infected? Does it need stitches? You started reviewing the process of tending to a gunshot wound and made the inventory in your head of all the medical supplies you’d need, if you even had them. But, could he even walk at all? How would he even get here? What if he doesn’t find the notes? What if-- You once again forced yourself out of your spiralling misery and resumed your guarding of the entrance, hating how active the nights were around these parts.

You managed to catch some rest when Sadie woke up at around 4 AM to switch shifts with you, you were thankful to the woman. After you woke up Micah’s taunting was the last thing any of you needed. You assumed that the traumatic journey the men went through would silence him for a bit but to your dismay, it seemed to you that it only made it worse. 

He changed into one of his outfits one of the girls packed up for him and started acting like the man in charge, saying that while Dutch wasn’t around he was the one to be giving out orders, but everyone just ignored him, way too drained for any of his games. Occasionally, Sadie would put him back in place, making him understand that he wasn’t the one who had to carry the gang to someplace safe while they were away and that he didn’t contribute to any of it, had his memory failed him. Often, you would mentally try to pinpoint where the remaining men would be, where they were sleeping, how were they getting on, wishing Micah had shown up last, or maybe never. 

Your days remained particularly uneventful. You couldn’t leave camp, or more like you didn’t want to wander around too far alone. The constant fog greatly altered your visibility and kept you in a constant state of haze. You started pondering when was the last time you saw the clear horizon. 

This particular night was terribly hot and humid, just like that morning when the men had left for Saint-Denis. You couldn’t sleep and felt sticky all over, your clothes clung to you uncomfortably and you felt like screaming from frustration at how suffocated you felt. 

You carefully made a beeline for the door to leave and try getting some air, or at least you were hoping to. You all remained together in the smaller shack facing the entrance, some others would camp near the campfire close to the rest of the group. This place didn’t scream safety so better keep someone near you at all time. 

You left the confines of the walls to only end up feeling trapped between all the thick trees around you. You paced around the unsteady building, looking at the water, seeing some still alligators which made your skin crawl. You wished you could cross that water and freely run around, feeling the cool air hit your skin, looking at the open sky while holding the hand of your loved one. 

You sighed and walked around to the front of the building, scanning the camp and began to play this game of trying to make out objects’ shapes through the fog before the wind could reveal the answer. 

On what seemed to be your hundredth round around the building, you decided to roam around camp. You could feel that the morning light was threatening to crack into the night sky and decided to just get a headstart on your day. 

As you started wiping a table you looked into the entryway’s direction, seeing Charles at the guarding spot, getting lost in your thoughts, your hand going still. You wished so bad to see someone walk through those two skull sticks and your sight focused there for a moment. 

You let go of the rag you were using to clean the table and straightened your spine using the back of your hand to help you. You sighed and just as you were going to go back to your spot near the water you felt your heart violently skip a beat. 

You could faintly see through the thick fog an approaching shadow. You rubbed at your eyes thinking it was one of your brain’s trick on you for staring for too long. But as you heard Charles cock his rifle and ask for the intruder to identify themselves you realised you weren’t dreaming.

You walked around the table and squinted in an attempt to focus on the silhouette a bit better, not sure yet if you should get closer. The wind helped you and you managed to see that the unidentified person was painfully limping, reaching for balance with their arms. 

You unconsciously inched closer, heart beating fast, something within you giving you a surge of hope. It wasn’t until you saw Charles lowering his rifle that you realised that it was Javier, trying his best to keep his balance, slowly staggering your way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoy the (slow) story so far :)


	3. At Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Javier and the others are back, hooray!  
This chapter contains mentions of gunshot wounds and physical as well as emotional trauma.

Your breath hitched in your throat as you took off in a sprint. You saw Javier look up at you but before he could say or do anything you wrapped your arms around him in a desperate embrace, careful of his condition. You felt him return the gesture and put a bit of his weight on you as he rested on his healthy leg. 

His reciprocated embrace felt a bit distant, not the way he used to hold you but the poor man had been through so much he must be beyond exhausted. Tears started gathering at the corner of your eyes and you pulled back to take in the way he looked. 

You were heartbroken at how dishevelled he appeared to be. You brushed strands of his hair away from his face and cupped his cheek as light as a feather, scared of touching a bruise. Your throat felt tight and you couldn’t form any words without threatening to cry. When Javier saw you bite your shaky bottom lip and your brows knitted together he spoke out first.

“Heh, don’t cry now, my love, I’m back,” he took your hand from his cheek and left a gentle kiss on your palm. 

“Yes… Welcome back,” you managed to choke out, a smile making its way on your features.

“I’m glad to have you back with us,” said Charles from behind you. “Let’s get you patched up.”

And with that, you both assisted him in walking towards the shack facing you three, Charles calling for everyone to wake up and help you take care of him. You saw that Miss Grimshaw, Sadie and Swanson were already awake and helped clear out some space for Javier to lay down while the still sleepy-looking girls ran around to gather supplies and medicine to start working on his injury. 

Susan insisted on fixing the wound, though, and you decided to let the lady and her years of experience handle the situation. The bullet didn’t go through his leg but they had managed to get it out while they were stranded on that island. She did all she could considering the limited resources and then left you to clean around the wound and bandage him as well as treat his other bruises. You left him the necessities to clean himself while you went and fetched him some clothes.

Upon returning you helped him clean his back, sharing your first intimate moment after so long. His soft flesh was littered with bruises that had turned a dark shade of purple. He hissed whenever you passed the cleaning cloth on his skin despite applying feather-like pressure.

"I'm sorry honey, it's nearly done," you quietly said, more to yourself than to Javier.

"Nah it's fine," he replied through slightly gritted teeth. "Thank you."

Once he was bandaged up, clothed and fed you decided to settle down in the bigger shack that was kept unused up until now. There was already a bed big enough for the two of you to share so you decided to put your bedrolls on top of the mattress, not wanting to sleep in the grimy looking sheets that were left there. 

It was now around 6 AM, the sun had progressed through the sky but all the windows were covered, keeping you in a dim atmosphere. The two of you climbed on the bed and enjoyed the privacy the walls were offering you. Javier had his head on your chest, arms gently wrapped around your middle. He could hear your steady heartbeats while you were absentmindedly passing your hand through his hair that he let down, it seemed to have grown a bit since the last time you saw him. 

You stayed in silence for a moment, just enjoying each other’s presence, a lot of emotions were shared between you two without any spoken words. You didn’t ask him any questions, you didn’t mention the Saint-Denis bank robbery, and you didn’t talk about what Micah told you had happened on that island. 

The last thing that you wanted was to rush him, scared of accidentally opening one of his invisible wounds. If he wanted to talk about it he’d do so when he’s ready to, and if he never wants to mention anything that occurred there, that was fine too. 

You took a big inhale and silently sighed, causing him to lift his head and support himself on his elbows to look up at you. You were about to apologise if you accidentally disturbed him with your movement but swallowed your words when you saw the look in his eyes. 

His face was close to yours and on it you could read how lost he was, he looked sorrowful and tormented, his brows slightly raised in a furrow. You felt your heart ache for him. You reached to caress his cheek with your thumb, slowly inching your face closer until the distance between you two was null, and placed a chaste kiss on his lips.

“I’m here for you, Javier, always. I promise you I won’t ever go away,” you whispered, lips still slightly touching.

“Yeah, I know...“ he murmured back to you.

You exchanged a few seconds lost in each other’s eyes before he reverted to his previous position, this time his arms around you feeling a bit tighter and with a deep inhale, he started telling you. 

He started by explaining to you the same things as Charles did that one faithful night. How the job had started out according to the plan but that the Pinkertons had somehow gotten their hands on Hosea and made it to the bank with an army of men before they could even leave with the money. You learned that they escaped through the roofs thanks to young Lenny and hid in an abandoned place until nightfall. 

Following the mention of Charles’ heroic gesture, it was all new information to you, as Micah’s tellings were mostly all about himself. They hopped onto the first boat they could find and managed to bribe the Captain with gold they had stolen from the bank. 

The shipment was meant to be delivered to Northern Cuba, from there the plan was to hold up for a while before going back to the gang. However, the ship got caught in a really bad storm ending up in all of them washing ashore on an island called Guarma. He told you how they had thought that Arthur was a goner but reassured you mentioning he made it like the rest of them. 

From there you felt him get a little bit tenser, seemingly reminiscing certain memories that were particularly unpleasant to him. You learned how he got shot in the leg by the local authorities after a group of rebels tried to get them out of there after they had been captured. He would take occasional pauses to think of his words, resulting in you wrapping your arms around him to remind him that you’re there for him. 

“After the others managed to run away, the guards, they… They tied me to a mule by the leg and dragged me all the way to where they were planning on keeping me,” you inhaled sharply as he confessed all that he had been put through. 

“They beat me up and ganged up around me to each have a laugh at me. Then I got thrown in a cage like an animal and they took turns in mocking me and beating me up…” his voice was low, almost like a whisper. 

You held back your tears as you almost couldn’t believe that he really went through all that. The emotional trauma all of that caused him could be something that he might never forget and on that very moment you hated the world for being the way it is, so cruel. 

Right after he finished recounting you his twists and turns he passed out from exhaustion, rightfully so. You held him as he slept, kissing the top of his head before yourself getting some rest, feeling your quiet tears slowly rolling down your cheeks. 

You managed to get about 3 hours of sleep, relief washing over you when you felt Javier’s head nuzzled against your chest. He looked so peaceful with his cheek pressed onto you, strands of his hair ornating his face in a messy mane. 

You took a moment to rethink of everything that he told you, still feeling raw about all of it. But there wasn’t anything you could do to erase what had happened, however, what you could do was support him twice as much from there on out. You didn’t know how the gang’s situation would progress but you both were in this together. 

You tried your best to get up without waking him up and after seeing him shift to only remain asleep you left the cabin. You attempted to save the rest of the suit he came back wearing but it was no use, it would only be a waste of time to try and patch it up, better just turn it into rags. 

As you were at your usual spot on the back porch of the primary shack, fiddling with the fabric, you heard pairs of footsteps. You looked up and caught eyes with Abigail and Tilly.

“Morning girls,” you greeted them with a soft smile.

“Hey, how you holding up today?” Asked Tilly, she always was so caring.

“Fine, I guess. Managed to rest my eyes for a few hours after taking care of Javier,” you answered. “You?”

“Well, just as you’d expect. Just can’t wait to get out this place, honestly,” she replied with a frown. 

You heard Abigail clear her throat and you both looked in her direction. “What’d I tell ya?” she started with a smirk on her face. “Told you your sweetheart would make it back!” you scoffed at the pet name. 

“Ah, I wasn’t exactly doubting you.”

“Yeah well, how’s he doing?”

“He... “ you sighed. “He saw and been through an unnecessary lot.”

Tilly sat on the chair next to yours and Abigail leaned against the porch’s fence facing you. You told them in detail what the group had been through after Charles parted away from them. 

You didn’t necessarily tell them in particular what Javier personally went through as you judged best to keep it between the two of you. After you were done you all just fell into silence for a bit, leaving the girls to let sink in what they’d just heard, it honestly felt surreal to them. How far those men went and how luck seemed to have definitively run away from the gang.

It was now noon and you were back to your loved one’s side who was still asleep. He slept in almost the entire day had it not been for you waking him up to change his bandages and give him plenty to eat and drink. 

He was out of it for about two more days before he finally started coming out of the cabin. Frankly, you were worried about him, not only for his physical state, which by the way his injury seemed to heal pretty well, but more for his mental state. 

To you, he looked like he was in a perpetual state of inner conflict, but you decided to keep to yourself. He got less talkative at times and would only briefly talk about superficial matters and when he wasn’t he’d just look lost in his thoughts. 

However, you didn’t remain in Lakay long enough to see it become a long-time habit. Arthur came back one afternoon shortly after Javier and during the following night Dutch made it back as well and in the midst of celebration, you watched as Javier stayed back, quiet and erased. 

No less than 20 minutes later, Bill made it back, along with the Pinkertons. You urged everyone to take cover and stay down when you heard the first gunshots being fired. 

Arthur and Sadie sneaked around and surprised the militia from the rear which gave them and Bill the opportunity to make them back off before picking them up one by one. Once Arthur hopped onto the wagon carrying the maxim gun and started shooting at them they all started running away. 

You all came bursting out of the cabin once the danger was momentarily away and so you all knew that it was time for everyone to leave. Dutch hurriedly instructed Miss Grimshaw and Pearson to start packing up and told Bill and Javier to scare off any eventual scum remaining in the perimeter. Javier gave you one squeeze to the shoulder before exchanging a brief look with you and running off with Bill. 

You all called it a night when around half of everything was packed up. The next morning you all woke up at dawn and worked on packing the rest while Arthur and Charles went off scouting for a new place past Butcher Creek, was it.


	4. Open Your Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, the angst . 
> 
> No warnings for this chapter, enjoy!

The men came back the next morning and you were all ready to leave Lakay for good. Not a single good thing had come out of that place. You felt increasingly relieved the farther you were getting from those swamps, finally breathing in a good whiff of air after the constant humid atmosphere surrounding you. 

The forest you were venturing deep into wasn’t particularly welcoming but admiring the greenery and cute animals hopping around was a change from the gators roaring at every hour of the day. 

Arthur and Charles were at the head of the caravan leading everyone to the place they managed to acquire, telling you about a feral local gang of savages that made you prefer the still gators from the days before. You were trotting next to the stagecoach where the girls were while Javier was a bit further back where you’d occasionally steal glances without catching his attention. 

The two men ended up leading everyone to a rocky place that was a bit elevated and gave a view to the river and the forest while the rest was engulfed into a cave. Your first feeling of the place wasn’t one to glorify, the wind mixing with the silence made the whole place feel strangely eerie. You felt trapped as well as watched which had you on edge instantly. 

While unpacking and mounting up the tents you heard everyone whispering and looking around the place, the ones who weren’t whispering were mostly looking out of it. It seemed that everyone had lost their will to engage in actual conversations, but that wasn't without Bill’s angry voice piercing through the wind. He’s been repeating over and over again how he wasn’t the one who brought the Pinkertons to Lakay and at that point the gang had just grown tired of his scenes, of everything in fact, thus resulting in constantly ignoring him. 

Javier decided to put up your tent near the cave’s entry not so far from Dutch’s own tent. You hated how you could hear crawlings and the wind spiralling in that cavern when you tried to find some sleep at night, making you feel cold and lonely. 

It was during the first few days what you realised how bad the general spirit had gotten. Everyone was at their lowest low, eye siding each other but rarely confronting. The tension felt both cold and seething to you. 

The occasional disputes were drunk talks or cries for help. You witnessed the splitting of the camp in half; those who were clutching to their remainings of faith, and those who wanted concrete answers and actions. And in all of this, you didn’t know where to stand yourself.

You witnessed a shift in Javier’s demeanour, you could see how increasingly heartbroken he was getting at the sight of his family falling apart and not being able to do anything to prevent it from worsening. He couldn’t get the other gang members to see the same things he saw in Dutch despite his repeated beggings, and that included you. 

Shortly after settling in Beaver Hollow your lover became emotionally closed, at first you didn’t know if you had to address it or let him be. But eventually, you resolved yourself to try and talk to him about it.

“Hey Javi,” you greeted him at his guarding spot near the trees, away from the others. He turned to you and acknowledged your presence silently. “Say,” you hesitantly started, “I saw you getting worked up with everyone earlier, wanna talk about it?”

He heavily sighed and you saw his shoulders drop a little, “It’s everyone, I don’t know what’s their problem. We need to stick together now more than ever, keep faith in Dutch!” His sentence ended with him raising his voice the slightest, seemingly weighting his point. 

“Maybe people are starting to see something else.”

“What do you mean?” He entirely turned to face you with a cocked brow.

“I mean, what you see in Dutch, we can’t see it the way you do anymore,” you dropped your eyes to the ground next to his feet.

“We? Are you doubting him too?” He hooked his rifle to his shoulder to allow his arms more movement. “What is it? Is it him again?” He pointed in the direction of the camp.

You quickly planted your gaze back on him. “What ‘him’?” You furrowed your brows.

“Arthur! I see him whispering to people about everything and nothing! You know better than that,” he shook his head in disappointment. 

You couldn’t digest what the man in front of you was blurting out, you felt sick. “Are you seriously doubting Arthur? Out of everyone in camp?! This is ridiculous!” 

“Ridiculous? I don’t want to believe it either but think about it, it’s not our luck that turned, it’s something else. There’s talk of a rat, even rats. Them Pinkerton’s timing has been too perfect lately!”

“You don’t know what you’re saying, Javier. I know for a fact that you don’t believe a word you just said… Arthur and you are like brothers! You need to clear out that fog Micah put in your head!” You scoffed in disbelief and left him behind before stomping back in the direction of the camp where some of the others looked at you funny, they probably heard your raised voices back there. 

You weren’t expecting this short altercation between you two, you hated when you fought but what you hated the most at that moment was how you were met by a wall. You tried telling yourself that it probably was just emotional exhaustion talking in Javier’s stead, maybe it was his pent up despair speaking in his stead in a desperate reach.

As much as he felt like a brick wall, not granting access to anything that dared to differ from his reality, he himself was cornered into a massive fortification. He lacked perspective in order to analyse the current situation without bias. 

You spent the rest of the day avoiding him, which wasn’t hard considering how elusive he had become. Avoiding any questions coming from the girls about what they heard coming from your dispute, you kept yourself busy with chores, even going as far as volunteering to take on others’ guarding rounds. You wanted to be fairly tired by the end of the day so you knew you’d fall asleep immediately without torturing yourself overthinking your hurt. 

Dusk was well behind now and everyone had regained their respective cots. Everyone except for three of the men. From your spot you could see Micah and Javier quietly conversing with Dutch in his tent. You felt anger and disgust swell within you at the sight of Micah injecting his sickness in those men, in the man you love. You could practically see the blond man’s poison string out of his mouth and implant itself in their brains, rotting away everything it touched, taking advantage of their emotional exhaustion and instability. 

You quickly laid under the sheets when you realised they finished talking, meaning Javier was coming to reclaim his spot at your side. You didn’t have any visual of what was happening anymore but your lover was taking his time joining you, for a moment you even thought that he’d spend the night elsewhere, feeling a tug at your heart. 

You eventually felt him creep under the sheets behind you and heard him sigh heavily before quietly calling out your name, hints of discomfort in his voice. You preferred pretending being soundly asleep, anxious at the thought of any more arguing for the day. 

That night you dreamt of Javier. He was being taken away from you and you away from him. You saw Micah’s venom strings pulling him farther and farther away from your warmth. Javier is nothing of the likes of Micah, that goes without saying. It was his unwavering loyalty to Dutch that made him linked to that snake man collaterally. 

The truth of the matter was that everyone was still loyal to Dutch, but Javier was missing something essential, and that being a few steps back from that denial wall he was cornered against. Deep down he didn’t want to believe what his common sense was whispering to him. 

His usual cooperative persona and open-mindedness were forcibly put to the back and instead got replaced by shut doors when he usually was one to build bridges, refusing the unavoidable downfall of his family. 

The following morning you woke up earlier than everybody else, filling the coffee pot for everyone before taking your own cup and sipping at it around the cliff of the camp, taking in the peacefulness nature had to offer. 

You slept horribly, tossing in your sleep and waking up several times every hour. You rubbed at your eyes, an attempt to get rid of the last bits of sleep creeping on your features. 

You heard the grass and dead leaves crunch behind you and got relieved at the sight of your lover slowly approaching you, a cup of warm coffee accompanying him. He stopped next to you and stared at the horizon, both of you enjoying the crisp morning air in silence. 

You felt blessed by this moment life was currently offering you, unable to remember the last time you could simply enjoy each other’s presence. That was until Javier broke the silence. 

“About yesterday… I think we both didn’t intend for it to go that way,” he said apologetically while still looking at the scenery. You simply nodded, letting him say what he had in mind. “It’s just that you gotta trust me, trust Dutch. I don’t doubt you being loyal, cariño, but I don’t know about the others. The likes of Charles, Sadie and Arthur, feels like they’ve made their choice, so now I’m waiting to see yours,” you felt his eyes plant themselves on your figure. 

“I trust you, Javier, you know I do. But I can’t say I trust Dutch to keep us safe anymore. I want to still believe in him, in this whole thing, but I think now’s time to start thinking about us, what future we can get,” you tried reaching for him with your free hand but flinched in shock when he squirmed away from you, not hiding the hurt in your eyes. “I know he means a lot to you, and so does he to all of us. But he’s changed, he turned into the kind of person he always told us not to be, and I can’t put my trust in that… I can’t risk losing you like that, so please—“

“I see. So that’s how it is,” he cut you off and looked at you with an expression you couldn’t decipher before leaving you behind the same way you left him the previous day. You wondered if that’s how he felt when he found himself alone, deeply hurt. 

From there on out the nights spent together felt colder than in Colter. Javier dug out his old cot and settled down at the opposite side from you in your tent, each of you sleeping on your own, facing away from one another. 

The heavenly intimate moments between the two of you were long gone and his touch became unknown to you. Everything about this made you feel hurt beyond words, and you knew he felt equally as hurt. Despite your best attempts at having him look your way and try to reason with him he unfortunately remained impassive. 

Your lover gradually grew frustrated and hurt about everything. He apparently turned into a preacher, going around camp and telling everyone to stick together, to remain loyal to Dutch and not listen to lies being spread.

Spotting you with Abigail at the girls’ wagon Javier made his way to you. 

“Did you hear what I said?” You didn’t reply to him, instead looking past his figure. “I asked you a question,” he reiterated in an irritated tone. 

You shot him a glare, “Yes I did. Damn near the whole camp did.”

“Huh, is that so,” was all he told you before leaving, the tension in the air dissipating a bit. 

You heard Abigail sigh next to you, “I didn’t know things got that bad with you two.”

“That’d be an understatement,” you shrugged. You tried to keep a composed attitude, not wanting to show your weaknesses to the camp, especially during such times. But there was no fooling Abigail, she had this 6th sense that sometimes gave you shivers. 

“You can be honest with me, you know. I’m quite qualified when it comes to couple problems if I do say so myself,” she laughed drily and you mirrored her. 

“It’s hard… I don’t know what to do,” you softly exhaled. “He’s usually so open to the things I tell him but this time around there’s no getting past this barricade he put up between him and the world. Do I even mean anything to him anymore at this point? I wanna keep on fighting for those in camp who are seeing the same things as I do, folk who still have a chance at getting out of this life. But I don’t know how to picture myself without him…” You dropped your head and felt a lump in your throat, but refused to shed any tear. 

Abigail called out your name to catch your attention, “Whatever you’re imagining, I’m sure it won’t come down to that. You’re a good person, putting everyone before you, has me thinkin’ of Arthur,” she trailed off. “You can sleep in my tent tonight, bring your cot and we can even have a girls night if you want!” 

You chuckled at her proposition, “Hey now, don’t be forgetting Jack.”

“Oh! I would never!” She grinned at you. 

“But yeah, I’m gonna accept your offer, thank you Abigail.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Supplies were getting low, Arthur wasn’t looking his best, John was still kept in prison with talk of hanging him, gang members were disappearing and everyone was slowly ascending to a new level of paranoia. 

Everything kept on getting worse and your hopes for a way out were getting close to non-existent. The wind echoing through the camp was piercing through your skin, making all the fine hairs on your body rise, being the only physical reaction you seemed to be feeling lately. Oh, how much you missed the warm and safe embrace of Javier’s arms. 

What had originally been one night away from your tent turned into days. Abigail assured you that you could stay as long as you wanted, being understanding of your situation. Sometimes you’d even sleep with the girls, feeling warmer than near that cave but still incredibly lonely and hurt. 

On the afternoon of your sixth day away from your tent you decided to get back to gather some of your things to move near the girls’ wagon. You felt heavy and suffocated, ten times worse than in the swamps despite the open spaces and greenery all over. Your attention got caught by voices coming from Dutch’s tent, dragging you out of your ruminating. 

It was a sight you grew to despise, the usual picture; Javier talking to Dutch about god knows what while Micah looked smug working his curse on them. You wanted to drag your partner away from them so badly you unconsciously clenched your fists. 

To your surprise Javier locked eyes with you, maybe your gaze was so intense on him he could feel it. You saw him say something to the men before walking in your direction, your heart rate dangerously speeding up. 

“Well ain’t that a sight,” he looked down to you as you were sitting on a crate, his tone being pretentious or mocking, you didn’t really know. “Haven’t seen you ‘round here in days, started thinking you might’ve run off with Arthur and his followers or something.”

His words were thrown at you in such a crude way it had the same effect of a slap to the face. You didn’t recognise him and you refused to think that was the man you grew to love and envision a future with. You could see that his broken heart leaked in him the frustration he was radiating.

“Walking around doing all those things behind Dutch’s back, breaking his heart and undermining us all. No idea what happened to loyalty.”

You clenched the blouse you had in your hands and threw it on the ground before jolting up, agitation and anger oozing out of you. You stepped closer to him and locked eyes with him intensely. 

“Is this Micah that’s talking right now, or is it Javier? I can’t make the damn difference these days! You can’t be in your right mind to say all that nonsense! As far as I’m concerned John is still rotting in prison waiting to be hanged, and what is Dutch doing about it?!”

“He has a plan!” He quickly retorted. 

“A plan?! That’s his so-called _ plan _ that got us in this mess in the first place!” Your voices were now raised and you were sure everyone could hear you, including Dutch. You saw Javier try to say something but quickly cut him off. 

“Do you even hear yourself? Saying all those things, hurting everyone including yourself, hurting _ me_. And all that for what? For a man who will be responsible for our downfall?” You were panting at the intensity of the arguing, digging your index finger into Javier’s chest to weight what you were saying, unable to stop yourself and not anticipating such an escalating fight.

“I’m tired of this ‘faith’ talk, and I just _ know _ deep down you’re thinking the same as me. But for all I know, I could be wrong. After all, I don’t recognise you anymore, I don’t see in you the man I love, the man who makes me feel safe. If we’re down to making choices then you need to tell me yours so I know if this thing we have is still worth it!” Your breathing was ragged and the camp was dead silent at the exception of the wind wildly swirling dead leaves on the rocky surface. You could feel your eyes sting and all the emotions threatening to spill out. 

Javier was taken aback, to say the least. He never saw you so worked up and frankly, your words hurt him because of how real they were. He knew he was hurting you but being confronted to the reality felt like a horse crashing headfirst into him. He opened his mouth to say something but you stormed away, not willing to hit yourself to that wall, bumping his shoulder as you made your way towards the horses. 

The girls gathered around you trying to calm you down. You were readying your horse hurriedly with shaky hands, stowing a basket at the back of your horse. 

“I need some air. I’m going to Annesburg to get some provisions. I kept some money from the box before it disappeared.” You were rapidly blurting out your words to the girls without looking at them, fastening your saddle, ready to mount up. 

“But it’s too dangerous!” Mary-Beth objected. 

“She’s right, at least wait for one of the men to go with you,” Tilly tried to bargain with you. 

“I’ll be fine, city’s close and I got my revolver. Plus I really need some time alone, don’t worry I’ll be back sooner than you think.” And with that, you rode off without giving the girls the chance to reason further with you. You felt guilty but you were too far gone in your wild adrenaline-induced rush. 

You galloped at a rapid pace, feeling the fresh air hit your body, your blouse crashing onto you tightly, any hair clinging to your face being moved away from your vision. You were breathing rapidly in an attempt to not break any tear until you settled down on an easier trot for your horse, calming down and coming down from your rush. 

The day had now greatly progressed into the evening. The camp was eerily calm, everyone being in their own tents, going about their business. That was until the ear-piercing sound of loud horses galloping through the camp came disrupting the silence. Everyone was quick on their feet to analyse the scene unfolding before them. 

It was Arthur and Sadie riding back with John who was wearing a prisoner’s outfit. They had disobeyed Dutch and they knew he wasn’t going to be happy about it. As soon as the now free, so to speak, man dismounted and gave a quick embrace to Abigail, he was immediately met by Dutch’s piercing voice. 

“John! What are you doing here?” He asked, a crack in his voice. 

“It’s good to see you too, partner,” replied John sarcastically. 

“I meant I hadn’t sent for you yet,” Dutch was approaching John at a threatening pace. 

“I went,” replied Arthur from behind, making his appearance at the camp’s core. 

“But I said…”

“Yeah. I know what you said.” Arthur cut him off. “I felt different.”

“Is that so?” Was the older man’s response, threatening. 

“Yes.” Arthur tentatively answered, getting even closer to Dutch. 

“And when springing John brings the law down on all of us… What then, Arthur?”

“Well, I guess we’ll have another fight on our hands.”

Dutch shortly paused, “Loyalty, Arthur, it ain’t… I had a goddamn plan!” His voice violently cracked. “John. John… You are my brother, you are my son. I was coming for you.”

“They… they was talking of hanging me, Dutch.”

The scene was escalating and everyone gathered to listen closely to what was going on, Micah creeping the closest to Dutch, as usual. All of a sudden a voice, much gentler than the men’s, came in the mix and cut everyone from their arguing. It was Tilly.

“I said, excuse me!” Once everyone turned to her she carried on, Mary-Beth right next to her, both looking worked up. “Sorry to cut you off from your... discussion, but I’m afraid we have a problem.”

Both the girls went on explaining how you had left earlier this afternoon to get some provisions for the camp from Annesburg but you still hadn’t made it back. Once this was mentioned everyone looked around. They were right, you were nowhere to be seen. 

Worry and unease quickly increased when the silence dragged on, Arthur and Charles exchanging a look, both thinking about the same thing. Arthur stepped forth to say something but instead it was Javier’s agitated voice that was heard. 

“And you let her go by herself?!” He was pushing everyone away to come to the the middle and in front of the girls. 

“Well, we tried to talk her out of it but…” Mary-Beth began. 

“She was pretty worked up after you two had that argument earlier today. There was nothing we said that was getting through her. She rode right off,” Tilly finished. 

“Ah, but she made sure to have her revolver with her!”

“What an idiot! What’s a revolver gonna do against what’s in those woods!” Javier was speaking with his fists tightly clenched, the skin on his knuckles stretching, concern painted all over his face. 

“Do you know what route she took? Did she say anythin’ about it?” 

“We could find her on the way back,” Arthur and Charles asked the girls, to which they said they didn’t know. 

Voices were mixing and talking about ways to go and get you back, see where you could be. Without warning, a loud and painful sounding _ bang _ resonated through the camp making everyone flinch. Dutch had slammed both of his hands onto the table near the group, his rings intensifying the noise.

“Would you all please shut up!” He yelled out. “Enough of this, nobody is going to get nobody! I’m tired of everyone disobeying me. I can’t afford to have you all running around like that when we got near the whole entire country’s law looking to hang us!” He took a breath. “Now, I’m gonna think of a plan to get her back later, but for now you all behave yourselves!”

“Later?!” Javier hesitantly objected. “But she won’t make it through the night out there!”

“Javier’s right. Especially if those Murfrees got their hands on her,” supported Charles. 

“Javier, son, are you doubting me too now?” Dutch wickedly threw at him, knowing fully well how to use his words. “We don't even know if she's in danger. Have. Faith.” Were his last words before leaving everyone dumbfounded while regaining his tent. 

That wasn’t without Micah’s two cents comment, “Y’all heard the boss, now get back to your businesses!” He then went on to join his leader. 

Everyone sent looks back and forth before settling onto Javier who was immobile, his face turned towards Dutch’s tent, unable to see his expression. His hands however were shaking, from anger or worry, nobody could tell. 

“You’re not going to listen to him now, are you?!” Tilly grabbed him by the shoulders. 

“Yeah, Charles’s right, if those Murfrees got her, them monsters won’t let her see another morning. Dutch is being unreasonable!” Sadie urged. 

Javier, however, remained silent. He stepped out of Tilly’s hold and silently walked towards his tent, leaving everyone behind and confused before closing the folds behind him until he was out of sight. 


	5. This Might Be It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains mentions of upsetting violence, weapons, blood, gore, and situations of a man overpowering a woman. Beware if those are some of your triggers.
> 
> Other than that, enjoy!

Your eyes slowly fluttered open, feeling your entire body ache and the uncomfortable feeling of rocky ground hitting against your cheek, groaning at the sensation of your head spinning. As you tried to reach to rub at the ache you quickly realised your hands were tightly tied together by the wrists in front of you, palms facing each other. 

The rough material dug into your skin the more you tried to move around it. You blinked a few more times in an attempt to come back to your senses to clearly see what was unfolding in front of you, propping yourself as best as you could to sit on your knees. That’s when your self-awareness came crashing back into you.

You started shaking, slow and quiet tears threatening to pool out of your eyes if you dared to blink too tightly. You gasped for air as you tried to muffle any sound coming out of you, fear of giving your assailants reasons to make you shut it. Even so, you didn’t have to try too hard, your environment being noisy enough on itself, cries and evil laughters mixing together in a horror cocktail. That poor young lady being taunted by these men made a nightmare out of your sight. 

On your way back from Annesburg you had managed to greatly calm down and the time spent alone did help you clear out your mind. You were able to get your hands on some provisions with what little money you had managed to save from the box, which should keep most of the group fed for a bit as no one had been hunting lately. You started thinking of the discussion you’d be having with Javier about your situation, if you had to apologise or if it was on him, or maybe on both of you. Frankly, you were still feeling sour about his attitude but it was clear that you couldn't keep on going like this, the time spent with the gang feeling like it was coming to an end, you needed to know where to go from there.   


As you were crossing the forest, deep in your thoughts, the sound of voices snapped you back to reality. The voices came from what seemed to be a family, parents with their two daughters, one being younger than you and the other around your age.

Your quick analysis of the situation made you understand that they were having a problem with their ride. The two horses in charge of pushing the stagecoach seemed to have been spooked by something, a snake maybe, and sprinted off in the direction of the trees, making all their luggage spill out of the coach’s roof and back.

You slowly brought your horse to a halt near them as they weren’t too far into the trees to not be seen from the main path. The father lifted his head to look at you as you were now dismounting.

“Hey there, do you need some help loading those back?” You inquired, approaching them a bit more.

“Oh my, yes we do! These girls are hardly any help!” The mother sarcastically exclaimed, earning groans from the girls and a chuckle from the father.

“Your help would be much appreciated,” the father warmly smiled at you.

“Don’t sweat it.” You grabbed the luggage closest to you which flew the farthest from the group. As soon as your hand wrapped around the handle, foul laughters and screeches pierced through the forest, making you look around, the family quickly realising something was wrong. 

Numerous quick steps were heard crushing the leaves and rustling through the bushes. You dropped the luggage and instinctively rested your hand on your holstered revolver resting at your side, looking around to find a target to shoot at. 

A group of savages erupted from the vegetation, circling your group around the vehicle. You rapidly drew your gun and started shooting at the men to your right. The family started panicking and yelling, and so you urged them to climb back into the stagecoach. 

As you briefly planted your gaze back onto them, you saw one of the attacker climb onto the coach, a disgusting wide smile plastering his face. The coach swayed under the weight of the man and as soon as he got on top of it he jumped off and came crashing onto the father, fatally hitting him with the large machete he so easily toyed with, making the man their first victim. The large blade dug deeply between the neck and the shoulder of the father, blood instantly oozing out. His body collapsed to the ground in a horrible wet and loud sound, the crimson fluid spreading wider.   


The mother and daughters screamed in horror at the sheer violence of the act. To your misfortune, you heard your horse neigh in panic, making you snap your head in his direction only to see him run off with the provisions. You were suddenly overwhelmed by all that was happening all at once, and your moment of instability was enough to further aggravate the situation.  


You gasped when you felt a hand tightly wrap around your throat from behind, grabbing your hand holding your revolver and twisting it making you drop the weapon. You reacted quickly and with your free hand reached for your hunting knife attached to your belt and stabbed the man on the side as best you could considering your position. 

The Murfree brood grunted and shoved you to the ground in retaliation, right next to the now immobile body of the father, where the wife and daughters were tightly clutched together, crying and violently shaking. 

“Ya found yerself on Murfree Brood territory! Everything here’s ours!” The man pressing you down yelled above you, adding to the incessant cacophony. 

“You motherfucker…” You grunted, trying your best to wiggle your way out of his grip, managing to hit the knife still planted in his side. The man cried out in pain, giving you a much needed opportunity to push him off of you and make a run for your revolver. 

However, you were met by a punch to the right side of your face, falling to the ground in pain before feeling a sharp pain on the back of your head making you pass out instantly. 

Next thing you know you were waking up with your hands tied together, only the two daughters remaining, the body of their mother exposed dead in the middle of the camp in a way that would be hard to tell it was a human body. 

The makeshift camp was near a river, facing you on the other side of the water was a sort of cave, the father’s corpse being dumped there unceremoniously. 

You painfully forced your figure to sit up, looking around you trying to find a solution out of this mess. One of the assailants noticed you waking up and made his way to you with an unsettling grin on his disgusting features. 

“Hehehe, wakey wakey, y'er in for one hell of a celebration, woman.”

You looked at him with guns in your eyes, “You goddamn savages, making me sick..!” You threw at him. 

The man clicked his tongue, not expecting your reaction, probably being used to more obedient victims. He aggressively stomped closer to you, grabbing you by your blouse before pulling out his knife and cutting it open from the middle up to the collar, the blade cutting at your abdomen and between your breasts. 

You yelped out in pain at the feeling of the blade cutting through your tender flesh, thankfully not too deep but enough to draw blood. You tried to cover yourself by folding your jointed arms in front of your chest but the man pushed you on your back before laughing mockingly. 

He hovered over you and with his blade cut the belt and buttons of your trousers, adding to the disrespect he painted you with. He put his weapon back to his belt and grabbed you by the face before loudly blurting out. 

“I don’t hear ya much now, uh!” Were the last words you heard before getting knocked out again. 

Now there you were, facing the raw reality of the situation, bathing in nothing but fear and stress. Heart pounding and hands shaking, wiping away at dried tears on your cheeks, feeling the right side of your face swelling from the hit you received.   


At this moment it was only down to you and the youngest daughter, realising it upon scanning the area, seeing the bodies of the mother and older daughter dumped with the father in the cave across the river, what a sorry mess they were. The savages didn’t seem to be having any plans for you two yet, which left you some time to think. 

_ Is that it, is it how things end for me…? I can’t believe this might be the last time I ever see the gang. And we had to part that way, what a memory I’m leaving them… _

You didn’t want to believe that it was your end, but your body seemed to have made the decision for you, slightly going limp on its own agreement. 

You hated yourself the more you thought of how things ended with everyone before you rode off, your last conversation with Javier being your worst fight yet. Oh, how much longed for him, the one person who always made you feel like you were home.  


You daydreamed so many times of riding away with him, starting a new life, an honest one. Maybe settling in, starting a family just like Javier always told you about, thinking of names for the children that probably won’t be coming in another 5 years. 

You brought your knees to your chest, burying your face between them to let loose to your low sobbing. You felt hurt. Hurt by your lover, and hurt by yourself. He made it so emotionally hard on you the past few weeks, nonetheless you always tried to see things from his perspective, gave him credit, made him feel heard, but he wasn’t giving you the same treatment anymore. He isn't a bad person, he himself is going through it worse than any of the others. You felt your heart hurt whenever you'd see him beg for people to stay together, especially Arthur whom you know Javier never truly doubted, or at least didn't want to. You couldn't blame him for siding with the man that saved his life, but you always thought that in the end, he'd be choosing you.

_ Maybe… he doesn’t love me anymore. Maybe there’s not enough space for Dutch and me in his life. Maybe he’s made his choice. Maybe he won’t be missing me.  _

It was now well into the night and the group of Murfrees still haven’t lit a fire yet, probably choosing to not attract any attention from people who could eventually save you. You were starting to feel cold, half your clothes ripped and not even a jacket to help you fight the cold night that offered New Hanover. You were dead tired, your eyes closing on their own accord and your body occasionally swaying. 

You turned to the girl left with you and attempted to reassure her although you couldn’t even reassure yourself. Two men discussing near you saw the two of you whispering and it seemed that a new vigour ignited within them. 

They took large steps, appearing in front of you two before you had time to register anything. One of the two savages yanked the young girl by her hair and tossed her in the middle of the fireless camp. 

You jolted up to your knees, waving your arms in front of you to keep your balance while barking at the men to leave her alone. The loud cries coming from the poor victim echoed through the night, only encouraging you to scream louder, your voice being your only weapon at the moment. 

“Hey you, bitch! Shut up or I’ll make you!” A third Murfree spat his words at you, stomping towards you menacingly. You closed your eyes and brought your hands to your face, anticipating the impact. However, the only thing you heard wasn’t your teeth or jaw breaking, rather, a loud gunshot aimed at the camp.


	6. I See It, I'm Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya friends!  
I am so deeply sorry for the delayed upload. I am quite literally drowning in university assignments and end-of-the-semester finals, but here it is at last!  
If you made it this far reading my humble work, I want to genuinely thank you for deeming my creation worth your time!
> 
> This chapter contains explicit mentions of violence and gore to a certain degree as well as blood.  
For this chapter, the POV will switch whenever I put a big space between paragraphs, hope it doesn't confuse anyone!
> 
> That being said, enjoy the chapter! :)

All the women in the camp were gathered around Arthur and Charles, agitated as the men were loading weapons onto their saddles. 

“I’m gonna stay here in case she comes back so I can ride to let you two know, also place needs some guarding,” Sadie informed as she pointed in the direction of the camp. 

“Yeah sounds like a good idea, Charles and I can manage.”

“I’m so glad you came back just in time to go look for her,” Mary-Beth exhaled with her hand on her chest. 

“I can’t believe Javier would just sit back and listen to Dutch like that,” sighed Tilly, looking disappointed. 

“Man hasn’t been treating her right at all lately, doesn’t surprise me much, but still!” Abigail exclaimed through her anger. 

Their conversation was cut short as they heard a pair of boots coming to a halt behind them. They all turned to see Javier stare at them, a rifle hooked at his left shoulder and a sawed-off shotgun in his right hand. He quickly resumed his walking and cut through the group, completely silent. 

He approached his hanging saddle and hurriedly packed his weapons before throwing everything on Boaz’s back. He unhitched Boaz from his hitching spot and guided him near the group, readying the horse for mounting. Everyone gave him a puzzled look at his cryptic behaviour. 

“I’m going to look for her, whoever’s willing to join is welcome, but I’m leaving now,” and to illustrate his words, he hopped onto Boaz’s back, scanning everyone briefly, gripping the reins. 

Charles and Arthur mirrored him and each mounted their horse. 

“Of course we’re coming,” affirmed Charles. 

“I thought you were gonna listen to Dutch again this time,” confessed Arthur and a few hums were heard from the group, agreeing to the man’s statement. 

“Nonsense. I reckon… that man’s lost it to the poison of that devil at his side. Don’t know what took me so long,” Javier shamefully admitted, positively earning raised brows from his audience. 

Arthur cleared his throat, “Well, good to hear you finally see it too, friend.”

The three men pulled at their reins in unison, “Alright, time to go!” Signalled Charles. 

“Now go and get us that girl back!” Miss Grimshaw ordered the men. And with that, off they galloped. 

The trio ventured through the woods at a quick pace. “I think we should check the route that goes straight to Annesburg, she most likely took the one to get back to camp the quickest,” hypothesised Arthur. 

“I’m not so sure about that,” sighed Javier, “I’ve been such an asshole to her. If I were her I’d take my sweet time.”

The two other men felt the deep regret in his voice. Regardless, they scanned each and every path going down to the city, dispersing from each other to search near the trees but never too far from one another. Charles and Javier’s bubble of concentration was popped by the sound of Arthur’s voice yelling at them to go see what he found. 

The two men galloped to him and came to a halt in front of a bloody scene. There was displayed an abandoned stagecoach, luggage spilt everywhere, both the horses savagely killed, guts painting the soaked soil. Upon getting off their horses to look for eventual tracks, Javier froze at the sight of what he found. 

There laid a knife, one that he could recognise amongst any other knives. It was the one he had offered to you, pretty myrtle varnish with your initials that he had specially engraved just for you. He didn’t fail to realise that the weapon was full of blood, dropped next to a pool of more of the crimson liquid where a body should have been laying. 

Javier’s mind started racing, plunging him in complete silence. Charles and Arthur noticed him becoming still and eerily quiet. Javier felt them look at him and he simply said, “That’s her knife,” before bending to pick it up. 

His companions joined him to have the same sight as he did. They inspected the bloody knife in his hand before looking where it had been picked up from. And in the same fashion as Javier did, both of them started connecting the dots, exchanging looks the same way they did when they had first heard of your disappearance. 

“We should look for tracks,” firmly said Charles. 

“Yes, let’s do that.” Javier couldn’t do anything but agree. He wiped the knife messily onto his jeans before putting it away in his saddle. Now wasn’t time for him to lose his composure, you being hurt and possibly killed without him being there to save you was a reality he knew he couldn’t live with, not before he could tell you all that is in his heart.

The men eventually came across tracks, a bunch of footsteps followed by trails of blood. The trio bolted in the direction of where the tracks led all the while remaining cautious. 

The evening got chased by the dead of the night, clouds covering the only source of light coming from the moon, giving them little to no visibility. 

They rode to an open half cave and dismounted a few steps away to stealthily approach the area. They loaded themselves with their weapons and carefully explored the place, ready to fend off any enemy. 

As they got past a big rock they came across a pile of bodies, all in a sorry state where giving them an identity would be almost impossible. Blood was pooling around the horror pile and made the rocky ground look slippery, chunks of god-knows-what scattered here and there.

Javier sharply inhaled, imagining your body amongst them. Charles and Arthur felt their own unease increase by the second. 

As Javier approached the horror scene with his extended arm, Arthur grabbed him by the shoulder, “I’m gonna do it.”

He pressed past his friend and sighed heavily as he got to take a better look at the picture. He crouched and started to carefully check the corpses’ identities as best as he could without touching them too much either. He let out another much more audible sigh and his two companions stiffened. 

“What is it?” Urgently pressed on Javier, getting closer to him. 

“She’s not here, luckily. But these folks… they been put through a lot.”

They looked down to their feet, pity and anger recognisable on their traits. They could only imagine these people trying to live honestly, but life wasn't that clement to them. Suddenly, each of their heart jumped in their respective rib cage as they heard screams travel all the way to them from across the river. 

They instinctively crouched and seized their weapons, aiming at where the noises were; it was a mix of male voices, loud sobbing coming from what sounded to be a girl and most importantly, your voice screaming offensively. 

Up until now, they hadn’t located anyone since no noise nor campfire were detected, only the wind brushing through the leaves and the sound of horse hooves were present. Luck being on their side, the wind awoke again in the past ten minutes or so and pushed the clouds away just enough to let the bright moonlight guide them out of their confusion. 

“There she is! There’s someone else with her, too!” Charles hurriedly announced. 

Next thing they knew, Javier took off and opened fire at the men, making a run for the rocks in the not-so-deep water to give him a cover all the while getting closer, Arthur and Charles forced to do the same. 

“Don’t go ahead without us! These bastards real crazy!” Yelled Arthur at him while joining in the shooting. 

The Murfrees instantly started shooting back, not even taking the time to register who they were up against.

  
  


You quickly regained your composure when you saw the Murfrees turning away to shoot at whoever was attacking them. You checked on the girl and got relieved when you saw that she managed to crawl behind a rock for shelter. 

The adrenaline giving your body a new vigor, you pushed your shaky legs from the ground and made a run for it in the opposite direction of the shooting through the woods. You were hastily pushing away every piece of vegetation trying to get in your way, not caring if branches littered your clothes and skin with fine cuts.

  
  


Still behind covers, the three men were fervently shooting at the savages while occasionally letting their eyes wander the area of the camp in an attempt to find you. A lot of shots were exchanged but the Murfrees were sloppy and unorganised, albeit they had managed to capture you and an entire family earlier that day. Arthur and Charles took down one each while Javier managed to kill two of them. 

They judged proper to finally get out of their covers and ran for the camp where the four Murfrees were laying dead. They scanned through the place in hopes of finding you but the only living person they came across was a poor girl mopping behind a rock where she was hidden the entire time. 

They rushed to her side and cut her free before telling her that she was safe. They didn’t want to overwhelm her but they still pressed on and asked about your whereabouts, describing your appearance to further help her. 

She managed to break through her sobs that she saw you run to the woods and that one of the men ran after you. 

  
  


You were struggling to run fast while keeping your balance with your hands tied in front of you but you tried your best, your survival instinct fighting past the disadvantage. You were starting to allow yourself the thought of your eventual freedom until it all came crashing down the same way you felt a heavy mass tackle you to the ground. 

“Where the hell do you think ye’re goin'!” Yelled the greasy man, the same one who had cut you earlier that day. He quickly threw you over on his shoulder and ran with you away from the camp, the same direction you were taking. You tried your best to wiggle off his shoulder but to no avail. 

He came to a halt shortly after, in an area with sparse trees, all bathed in the moonlight. You were still close to the river as you could hear the gunshots clearly. He carelessly dropped you to the ground, giving you his back as he was looking in the direction of the camp, “These sons of bitches think they can attack the Murfrees, I’ll show ‘em!”

He had his revolver in his right hand, standing in a position ready to fire. Your brain felt like it was briefly electrified as you quickly started thinking of a way out, this being your one finale opportunity. Running away would be as useless as before and could even earn you a bullet to the back. 

You started feeling like you were running out of time, panic invited itself to the moment and your breathing became ragged, head spinning in a daze and body shaking. You fervently scanned the back of the man, trying to find your answer on him and your gaze quickly settled on his hunting knife at his belt, the one he had used to hurt you before. 

And as if time had stopped, you felt your body and consciousness detach, ears going deaf, limbs moving on their own. You jumped to your feet and swiftly grabbed the knife from the man's left side with both your tied hands and before he could turn to you, you stabbed him in the neck, pushing him to the ground with all of your weight, straddling his back. 

The man let out gargling noises that would haunt you for a while, blood was gushing everywhere as you severed veins and arteries with the blade. He was trying to fight his way back up but your body decided to stab him some more to prevent him from pushing you off of him. You were grunting and crying out as you did so, thick tears forming in your eyes, blurring your vision but you couldn’t stop yourself. 

You entered a terrifying trance, failing to realise that the shootings had stopped, everything around you didn’t exist anymore. Each time the blade disappeared into the flesh of the man’s back, your voice grew louder, only fueling your panic. You didn't have the proper consciousness to care about all the blood running up your hands and forearms, some of it landing on your face when you'd retrieve the knife too close to your face before sending it sinking back.

The sound of running footsteps inched closer and closer to you, but your ears blocked any noise that wasn’t emitted from your core. Finally, you were forcefully pulled off the still body, dropping the knife and falling onto your behind, the other person crouching in front of you. 

You struggled against them, pushing them and screaming not to touch you. You felt two warm hands on either side of your face, forcing you to look at them, and that was when your eyes locked on the face of the person in front of you. Your screams got trapped in your chest as you saw the face of the person who comforted you the most, none other than Javier. He intensely looked at you, scanning your eyes and face. 

“They… they...” You were a panting and shaking mess, unable to come up with any comprehensible sentence.

“Sshh, don’t worry now,” Javier shushed you, “I’m here, it’s okay.”

He shakily cut the ropes straining your wrists and immediately brought your head to his chest, where he hugged you for the first time in what felt like an agonising eternity. His arms wrapped you tightly, his chin resting on top of your head. You wasted no time in reciprocating the embrace, gripping at his clothes. 

You cried the hardest you probably had ever in your life, getting cut by series of hiccups in an attempt to catch your breath. Javier cradled you closer to him if that was even possible, patting the back of your head, slowly rocking you, his own eyes glossy with emotions in the moonlight. 

“It’s okay now, nobody will ever hurt you again,” his voice was strained, an attempt at suppressing his own threatening tears. “I’m so sorry my love, I truly am. I hope you can forgive me,” he squeezed you tighter, an attempt to physically transmit you his emotions. 

Arthur and Charles erupted from the trees, the surviving girl mounted on Taima’s back as Charles was guiding her by the reins. The scene in front of them spoke for itself; the singular unmoving body of the Murfree brood on the ground, knife stabs decorating his back, and your bloody hands shaking while gripping at your lover’s jacket. 

Thanks to the rocking and soothing touches of your partner, you eventually calmed down enough to get back to regular breathing. You two finally parted and Javier grabbed you by the shoulders, checking you out for any wound. 

It’s only then that he realised the state in which you were; your blouse ripped open the same as the front of your trousers, the cut on your chest visible. His grip on your shoulders briefly grew tighter before he peeled the jacket off his shoulders and wrapped it around you. You let the warmth from the clothing transfer to you, feeling comforted as his smell intoxicated you. 

He cupped your face once more and this time you leaned in his touch. He reached with his thumbs to wipe at the droplets of blood that were still fresh on your skin. Seeing how swollen and tired your eyes were made his heart ache in guilt and empathy. 

“I’m so sorry angel, this shouldn’t have ever happened,” he said with a shake in his voice, brows knitted and eyes shiny looking at you. “If I wasn’t such an idiot to you--”

You cut him by putting your hand to his chest, trapping his words inside, “It wasn’t anyone’s fault, this shouldn’t ever happen to nobody. If anything, those monsters are the ones to blame, not you.” 

You both looked at each other for a few more seconds, taking in the bliss of one another before realising you weren’t alone. Javier turned around to exchange a look with the two men, who gave him a nod you didn’t know the meaning of. 

He turned back to you, taking your hand from his chest and squeezing it in his own while looking down at it, pensive. 

“You know, I owe my life to Dutch, he’s the one who looked at me and acknowledged me when no one else would,” he began in a confession. “Had it not been for him, I would’ve starved to death, or been hunted down and dragged back to Mexico…”

He bore his eyes in yours, “My point is, you know how much he means to me but now… I see it. I see how everything is going down,” you raised your brows in surprise, “You, Arthur and the others were right, it’s the end.” You saw Arthur stiffen at the mention of his name.

“I truly believed that it would be with Dutch that you’d be the safest, that ultimately we’d make it out of there with his usual guidance, and if I couldn't at least you would survive. I trusted him to keep you safe more than I did myself. That’s why it upset me when you couldn’t see my point but clearly, it was me who didn’t look well enough.”

You squeezed his hand back to show him your support as he was displaying himself emotionally raw in front of you. “He… he ordered that none of us go look for you, that _ he’ll find a plan _ but seeing how detached he’s been acting lately, I realised he was just going to leave you to die,” he breathed sharply. “This made me take a few steps back and now I see how it is… Oh, my love, I’m so sorry.” 

His voice shook the strongest yet and you sprung to your knees to enclose him with your arms, protecting him from everything at that moment, cupping the back of his head with your hand. 

“I just did what I thought would be best for you…” he sobbed almost inaudibly, only for you to hear. He sounded so defeated and disappointed in himself. Now it was your time to tell him that it was okay, slightly rocking him in your embrace, softly stroking his hair. You looked up at Arthur and Charles, both the men witnessing your emotionally intimate moment.

“Thank you for coming for me, and her. Sorry for causing so much trouble,” you weakly smiled apologetically. 

You felt Javier stir in your hold, taking an audible breathe before facing the men as well. “Yeah, thanks for this, I know I haven’t exactly been the nicest to you all lately.” 

“Nah, don’t beat yourself ‘bout it,” Arthur said with a wave of his hand.

“We would’ve looked for her either way,” followed Charles, “we sure gonna get an earful from Dutch when we get back, though,” and you four briefly fell silent.

“Anyway,” he breathed out, “I’m gonna drop this young lady in Annesburg, told me she had an aunt who could take care of her there.” 

The petite figure erupted from behind Charles, perched on Taima, “Thank you so much for saving us,” she started in a shy and worn out voice, then turned to you. “I am so sorry that you got dragged in this because you tried to help my family...“ she looked genuinely remorseful and as shaken as you. 

And so you explained to your companions how it had all lead to this. Telling them how you found the family in need of help and in an attempt to assist them you all got ambushed. You informed them of your attempts at fending them off and how it only resulted in them knocking you out repeatedly, Javier twitching the most at your words. 

Once you all had regained the main road, Charles and the girl left the three of you to go in the direction of Annesburg. You mounted with Javier on Boaz, making you realise that your horse was probably wandering the woods as we’re talking. You probably should go to look for him but that could wait till the morning. 

The three of you were trotting in silence, you mostly from exhaustion, the two other men plunged in their own thoughts. Javier spoke up first.

“Thank you, brother,” he said while staring at Arthur, “With all the respect I have for Dutch… I know he wasn’t gonna look for her. And to me, she’s more important than any plan or money.”

Arthur scratched at the back of his neck, “Yeah, Dutch… He ain’t been himself for a while now. Thought you’d realise, too.”

Javier looked back on all the times he had doubted Arthur, painting him as the traitor in camp and instantly got washed over by guilt. “I’m sorry Arthur, I really fucked up on this one,” he sighed defeated, “The way Dutch reacted, it made me sick.”

“It’s alright, it’s done now, I guess. The most important is that you came to your senses. In any case, this is the end, and when things completely go south, I want you two to make a run for it. Run far away from here and don’t look back. You folks still have a chance to take a fresh beginning, maybe start a family or something.”

Arthur wasn’t looking in your direction while talking. Your grip on Javier’s sides tightened at the thought of the gang’s downfall, you felt your heart hurt. You could only imagine how bad it was for your lover to feel his heart break in such a way, the camp being his family, his home. You saw Javier’s knuckles tighten as his grip around the reins grew tighter. Your hands slid from his sides to rest on his chest, your cheek pressed to his back. 

“We’ll get through this alright, I believe in this new beginning. I know this is gonna be hard but I want to do this with you, Javier, because I love you.” Your voice sent vibrations through his back, conveying your feelings verbally and physically.

He brought one of your hand to his lips and tenderly kissed the back of it, “I love you too, amor. I promise to keep you safe and give you the life you… No, the life we both deserve, together.”

You spent the rest of the ride affectionately wrapped around him, both sharing warmth, from your chest to his back. Soon enough, the three of you caught sight of the lights coming from the camp, bracing yourselves for the storm coming that is Dutch Van Der Lind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for reading through all the chapters, it means a ton to me! 
> 
> I like to write Javier as someone who's very empathetic and who has easy tears, when it comes to his most loved ones, at least. I don't want to blame him for trying to side with the person who saved his life and made him feel valid. Javier's crime was wanting better living conditions for his people, can you really blame him for that? Anyhow, I hope you agree with the way I'm portraying him, but don't hesitate to tell me about how *you* like to imagine him! 
> 
> I'd like to inform those of you who liked this short story that I'm not done yet! I have some follow-ups and an alternative ending cooking up in my drafts! Though, I won't be able to actually write any of them before the end of December when the semester ends but stay around for more hehe~~~


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